Nothing Left To Say
by inmyeyes
Summary: A short Tristan POV after "Run Away, Little Boy". (One-shot)


A.N. : This came to me when I was sitting my dad's car and this song was playing. And I just _had to_ write it... or something like that. :D This is my little 2 cent contribution to what happened in "Run Away, Little Boy". Oh, and please be kind, 'cos I haven't actually _seen_ the episode. 

**Nothing Left To Say**   
by inmyeyes

  
  
He hated his father's taste in music.   


_I can see the pain living in your eyes_   
_And I know how hard you've tried_   
_You deserve to have so much more_   
_I can feel your heart and I sympathize_   
_And I'll never criticize_   
_All you've ever meant to my life_   


As he sat in the backseat of his father's Mercedes SUV, he tried to ignore the music that was softly surrounding him. He leaned his head against the window, suddenly feeling weary. His eyes traced the journey of the rain drops that splattered in the window as he sighed deeply, feeling the cold seep through him despite the heat in the car.   


_I don't wanna let you down_   
_I don't wanna lead you on_   
_I don't wanna hold you back_   
_From where you might belong_

He closed his eyes, and again he saw her. And he saw the two of them in that hallway as though he was watching a movie. 

For once, words didn't come to him. 

He had tried to find something witty or smart or funny or.... just anything good to say so that she'd remember his words long after he was gone. But nothing came to him. He had to say _something_....   


_You would never ask me why_   
_My heart is so disguised_   
_I just can't live a lie anymore_   
_I would rather hurt myself_   
_Than to ever make you cry_   
_There's nothing left to say_   
_But good-bye_   


"I'd kiss you good-bye, but your boyfriend's watching." He almost wanted to smack himself when he heard himself say those words. _'No, not that you idiot! Why did you say that?'_ . The candidness of his words took her by surprise, he knew. And he enjoyed seeing the blush that slightly rose in her cheek and the way she tried to avert her eyes from him. He also noticed how she didn't say anything in response; there was no biting comment, no witty repartee, no evil glare emanating from her eyes. She seemed almost..... _disappointed_. Or maybe that was just his wishful thinking. 

He was seeing things that weren't there. Because for her to have been disappointed... it would mean that she felt something for him other than disgust or annoyance or hatred. It would mean that the kiss wasn't really just nothing. It would mean that he would gladly sweep aside any sense of decency he had at that moment and kiss her senseless. But mostly, it would mean that him leaving would be more difficult. It would mean that he'd be crazy with regret for all the 'what ifs'.   


_You deserve the chance at the kind of love_   
_I'm not sure I'm worthy of_   
_Losing you is painful to me_   


There was so much that he wanted to say, that he needed to say. Words that would explain, would tell her what was in his heart. But she didn't deserve that burden of knowing. He had no right to dump his feelings on her and leave her to deal with it, even though telling her would make him feel infinitely better. It was not fair to overwhelm her with information that wouldn't do her any good. She was happy... with _Dean_ and even though he hated it, and it made his heart bleed, he couldn't do anything about it. It would be easier for him to just suffer in silence for the doomed fate of his unrequited love.   


_I don't wanna let you down_   
_I don't wanna lead you on_   
_I don't wanna hold you back_   
_From where you might belong_   


He had long ago realized that words had become the most useless form of communication for him. Words were easy to speak, easy to manipulate... but they didn't necessarily have to mean anything. So as he stood there, taking a long last look at her, committing her eyes, her smile, that radiance that only she could have to his memory, he knew that there was nothing left to say. 

She shifted her gaze and her azure eyes collided with his and in those few precious seconds, he felt that he had told her everything. He didn't have to say anything; she just knew. There was nothing left to say... but good-bye.   


_You would never ask me why_   
_My heart is so disguised_   
_I just can't live a lie anymore_   
_I would rather hurt myself_   
_Than to ever make you cry_   
_There's nothing left to say_   
_But good-bye_   


"Take care of yourself.... Mary." 

The smile that lit up her face had told him more than anything else could have.   
  
_ You would never ask me why_   
_My heart is so disguised_   
_I just can't live a lie anymore_   
_I would rather hurt myself_   
_Than to ever make you cry_   


He smiled wryly as the last strains of the song filtered through the expensive sound system of the car. He hated his father's taste in music... and the way it mirrored the way he felt inside. "Stupid, stupid song," he muttered, running his hand through his hair.   


_There's nothing left to try_   
_And though it's gonna hurt us both_   
_There's no other way_   
_Than to say good-bye_   


He dug into the pocket of his jacket. When he found what he was looking for, he took out the two slips of paper. Rolling down the car window, he held them out, grasping onto them tightly. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and slowly let go. He thought that he would feel a sense of relief, a sense of freedom.... but it never came. He rolled the window back up, and leaned his head back. He wanted to laugh at how hopeless he was; he could never really let go. He didn't want to. 

A few miles behind, lying in the puddle of the water on the road, was a pair of PJ Harvey tickets. 

* * *

Song credit : Goodbye by Air Supply   


* * *


End file.
